Lord, is it I?

I think I forgot that Matthew 26 covers so much.  We actually went through it today piece by piece--the meeting of the Sanhedrin determining when to take the Savior away; the non-negotiation with Judas for 30 pieces of silver--the price you paid a man if you killed one of his slaves; the Passover; the institution of  sacrament and the New testament of Christ; a singing of a hymn (Matthew 26:30) before Gethsemane and the mount of Olives; "Could you not wait for me an hour?"; "Father if thou wilt, remove this cup from me;" the betrayal of Christ; His declaration of the need for what was about to come; the appearance before Caiphus, and the denial of Peter. As the first of four, I taught this one pretty literally.

The thing that stood out to me the most happened way before most of it.  Christ foretells his betrayal. And instead of pointing fingers at that guy who's been acting weird lately, Judas--they all ask the question, "Lord, is it I?" They were his apostles and had been learning the mysteries of Heaven at his feet for months, possibly years, and they still doubted themselves. It gives me a lot of perspective. Where am I in my relation to Christ? Am I left asking the question "Lord, is it I?" It gives you a lot to think about.

Sorry to those who normally read my blog for TV show recommendations or pop culture tidbits--it is amazing how teaching a class on scripture every morning at 6am can change your life--and the focus of said life. Oh, I'm still addicted to my TV shows (though I've had to get creative since we cancelled cable) and I still read wayy to many blogs, and never enough books; but I regularly have a 50 minute lesson on Christ running around in my brain all day. Until it is time to work on the next one. It is amazing how it makes you look at the world differently. My coworkers keep saying, "You are smiling so much! What's so funny?" Nothing is funny. I'm at work, and I am smiling. Has it been so long since I smiled? I know that cancer sucked all the energy out of me, but have I stopped smiling so much it has been an endangered species with me?

Every year at this time is my little alumni event (and in April). Yes, I know, Happy Birthday to me. But a wonderful little lady always sends this little card along. On the back it asks, "If you were arrested for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?"  At this moment, I think the answer would be yes, but I'm not sure if all my life is so reflective.

I am working on it. Partially for when the Lord speaks about his betrayal, my heart won't automatically question, "Lord, is it I?"  But more so that when he asks "Art thou my good and faithful servant?" I can say, "Lord, it is I."

Moments to treasure

Today we said goodbye to two of my girls. They are moving tomorrow to the Midwest (Missouri), and so we had a treat (Monkeybread! Thanks, Air) and played General Conference Trivia.

My favorite moment was a little snippet at the end. Miss Mad was on her way out and said, "I love your teaching style," and then went her way. As I treasured my two little hugs from Mad and her sister Mack, I was grateful that this hard, work-heavy calling is mine. Even if just for the moment.

Monday Mornings & Seminary

Mondays are hard. After worrying a goodly portion of yesterday about how I am going to teach the first of four "last week of the Savior" lessons, I just gave it over to the Lord. They are his kids--I just crawl out of bed every morning, yelling at myself as if I were my mother--there is a lot of "First Name, Middle Name" scoldings that go on between 5 and 5:15 am. I semi-swear at my car for whining at me to put on my seat belt (just explode already!), and I half-yell at the stupid light at the corner of S. Roxboro and MLK for taking sooooo long.

And then I drag myself in--rather than arriving the 10 minutes before as I planned, it was only 5 minutes--possibly 3--the latest I've been since starting a little over a month ago. And a member of the D2 bishopric has decided to visit. Seriously? On a Monday? That is just cruel.

I say a prayer that somehow I will make it through Matthew 24 (And Joseph Smith-Matthew, which I always forget about) and have something good to say. The rest of the week, though much more intense, seems much easier somehow. And despite feeling not as prepared and knowing that the lesson is only okay, I am surprised as things come out of my mouth I didn't even remember that I knew--and other things I never prepared for. Despite everything, I am pleasantly surprised that it went well. Especially when the Brother walks up to me and says, "Thank you--that lesson was fantastic! I wish I had more time for stuff like this!"

And as I drive to work, I think about all the other people on the road, and how they don't even know that seven freshman and sophomores (and one adult man) and I had a gospel discussion on the second coming as taught by Christ this morning. No matter what I do today, I know that the accomplishment of getting through that lesson was probably the most important thing that I will do. And it was all done before the sun came up.

Mostly for A

This show has gotten so good this season. And due to my complete and utter love of the A&E Lorna Doone from a few years back, I was especially swayed by Simon--a new operative on the scene.

Seriously, we need to track me down a cute British guy to date. Maybe B's friend Gareth can hook me up. He doesn't even need to be a slightly dangerous bad boy or charming mystery man. 

The haunting music at the end of the episode is probably my favorite. Also it underscores a really sweet and really upsetting scene, so the juxtaposition is even more upsetting. Sigh. . .