So my really big freak out came the Monday after a weekend in Kinston. Everything went well. His ward loved me, and I had fun, but for some reason I couldn't put my finger on, I was done.
I talked myself out of the whole relationship by noon on Monday with my Cousin A. And then later that night with B. But some reason I decided I needed to talk with K about it.
"You're being super nitpicky, T," She said.
I was affronted--no I wasn't!
"I love my husband, deeply, truly love him, and after a weekend alone with him, I'm ready for us both to go to work. It's the reality of relationships. You can't write him off that quickly."
Yeah, she had a point. I met with my therapist shortly after.
"I think it says a lot when you start to over-think. I think that is a pretty big clue."
Part of me wanted to ask, "What's the clue?" But I realized that was also slightly self-delusional.
So, turns out when I get a little too into it and emotionally invested, I run. I strap on my running shoes and get ready to scram.
We weren't doing a date night that week (which also lead to part of my freak out--"what do you mean you don't want to see me more than once this week?!?"), but we had set up to meet on Saturday for a friend's CD release party. I decided to see what happened. And to give it a little bit more time.
Looking back on it now--I'm really glad I did.